Weekly Update for Week of 6/30/23

What's up? It's the weekly update.

Holy shit.

Already?

Point.

Yeah. Yeah.

It is the weekly update for the week of June 30. Get your motherfucking video game fix for 4 July weekend, baby.

Go into 4 July and just fucking.

Get ready because that's what people do in 4th July. Is gaming. Yes.

Just playing. Fuck going outside, fuck seeing your family, fuck drinking. Unless you're working alone at your home. Fireworks. Fireworks are video games for people who don't have a PS five, to be honest.

Nice.

Stay home and play video games. It doesn't matter what video game you play. Play whatever video game you want.

Yeah, and don't fucking oh, I'm going.

To go outside and cook and barbecue. Cook food, no fucking order.

Takeout shit's open to like eight. Oh, look at me, I cook food. I'm so fancy. Get the fuck out of Jesus Christ. Play Diablo.

Yes.

For the love of God. For the love of fucking for the love of Diablo. For the love of hatred.

There it is. There it is.

So we actually have some listener mail.

Are you serious?

And by mail I mean someone DM'd me on Instagram.

What they have to say?

They said they're all in on our Ducktails podcast idea.

Sold. Yeah, done.

And shout out to retro memo on Instagram. And he's also on whatnot? Make sure you go into his streams and call him Retro Marmalade.

Oh, he'll like that.

Or she make him just to make fun. It's ads a he. Okay, so now we gotta now we gotta fucking start planning a Ducktails podcast.

Yeah, it's gonna be well, I mean, finding it is probably gonna be the hard that's probably on Disney Plus, right? Is that a Disney thing, Ducktail?

I think it is on Disney Plus.

Actually watch the whole fucking thing and just 30 minutes episode. We do like a two and a half hour fucking podcast episode on analyzing.

It frame by frame, but on the podcast right now. Let's figure out a name for this podcast.

Ducktails.

What the fuck? Tails.

What the fuck Tails? Woo.

Yeah.

Woo. Woo.

Has to be part of the title. What the fuck tails.

Woo. Woo. I like that.

So we just figured out damn, I thought that would fill more time.

Yeah, I thought that was going to.

Be like 15 minutes.

Like to introduce you to a new segment on the weekly update called what's on the Front Page of Kotaku Today.

I literally was going to do the same thing.

That's so fucking funny.

Yeah. So let's see. There's a trailer for a game called Ghost Bike. Looks fine. Whatever. I guess Fortnite Battle Bus is now a Transformer. I have never played Fortnite in my life and have never played Fortnite Intention on doing it.

Wow.

You're the one.

A moody new Blade Runner game is on the way. That's interesting. Yeah, I like Blade Runner.

I like Blade Runner movie. I don't think I'd play it as a fucking game, but whatever.

I don't know either. Oh, snap. Oh, snap. Super relevant news.

Okay, stop the presses over here.

Katamari Domacy creators new game is about a tea posing teenager. Okay, if you're not familiar with a tea pose it's the Jesus pose.

Yes.

During an Anapura interactive showcase on Thursday, we got to look at Katamari Domasi creator Kaita Takahashi's fun new puzzle game about a child perpetually stuck in a tea pose. So it's like PG stigmata.

Yeah. Nice.

Yeah.

So I guess he didn't go into designing children's playgrounds after all. 15 years since the fucking release. Fucking liar.

Yeah. So his perfect shape will apparently be useful in solving an assortment of the game's colorful puzzles. Cool.

This sounds a lot like that game show The Wall.

Kind of.

I do love the name of this game.

What is it to a T? It's a little too punny for me, but I love it.

I love it.

Moving on.

New Valve concept art is a treasure show of canceled games. Yeah. Where the fuck is Half Life Three.

Or Portal Three or fucking Team Fortress Three or anything with the number fucking three behind it?

For real. Eldon Ring's most killed enemy shows. We're all XP grinding Animals That's fucking true. The stats don't lie. Elden Ring players are responsible for an Albinuric genocide. That's true. I leveled up on the old Mog Mog Ridge, killing the bird for money and slaughtering all those poor, poor little dudes. Sure, BlizzCon 2023 livestream will be free, but IRL tickets are $300. What a fucking waste of money.

I think I bought a virtual ticket to BlizzCon when I was really into Hearthstone because you got, like, a free card back or something.

Not free.

It was $75 or something, and I peeked in every once in a while.

But I was just like, I don't.

Know how people you really have to fucking love everything, blizzard or love one thing blizzard does so fucking much that you can't do anything else with your life because it seems like just what developers talking about.

Oh, Jesus.

God, I can't even yeah, I went to BlizzCon, okay, I want to say.

In 2008, and you were playing World.

Of Warcraft at the time, I'm guessing.

You fucking know it, baby.

Now, did you only sit with I'm.

Guessing you were a Horde guy, so.

I was an Ally guy until Wrath of the Lich King.

Okay.

When they introduced faction changes, then I switched to Horde.

But, like so did you just did.

You go with people? I guess. Did you meet up with people?

Yeah, I got into World of Warcraft through real life friends.

Okay.

And I made friends in the game, and we were all in the same guild and met up with some people we had never met at the thing. So that was fun.

That's not bad.

But it's also one of, like, the nerdiest things I've ever done.

That might be your top, and I love it.

You love it. Now, did you when they said alliance, did you cheer when they said Horde? Did you boo? Because that's what the people were doing.

With the live stream. I watched.

No, I wasn't.

Thank God. I wasn't that cringey.

I was into min maxing shit. So really, it was about hoarder alliance. Who gives a fuck? It was about which race had the best racial ability, right? Which for PvP, of course, was undead on Horde side and human on alliance side, because they had, basically a get out of trap trinket built into their race.

Why wouldn't you? Yeah.

All right, next up, someone killed an ultra powerful Diablo Four boss in less than 15 seconds. Cool.

Let me guess. Necromancer build.

Fucking broken shit.

Oh, I'm sure that's why I play it.

I know. Still rocking the druid. Yeah. Bonesphere build.

Necromancer.

Of course.

Yes.

Let's see what else we got here. Steam summer sale.

Mortal.

Kombat one. Makes it easy to do fatalities. Thank God.

Yeah.

I feel like.

It'S a long time coming. I feel like having to look down.

Or pause and look at the screen and go, left, right? And you're just like, I just want to see the fucking fatality.

And if you fuck it up, you end up just, like, kicking him in the shin and he dies.

Yeah.

Terrible. Final Fantasy 16s gay Romance disappoints. I'm hearing 50 50 on the Final Fantasy stuff.

I've heard it's not very Final Fantasy X esque 16.

I heard someone say that God of War is more of an RPG now than Final Fantasy is.

Oh, my okay, that's saying a lot.

Yeah.

Avatar is getting a new action adventure game, and it looks a bit mid.

It's going to be mid.

It's Avatar.

Okay? Putting something like that in a headline like, what the fuck? It's mid. Looks mid. We're so snarky, dog. Dead ass. No cap on.

God damn, dude. Damn, dude. Yeah.

Silent Hill Two remake. Dev says it's done with psychological horror. Good.

What the fuck does that mean?

It's done with psychological horror good?

Yeah. What does that even mean? What do these headlines do? I don't know. Goddamn. Goddamn.

Let's dive into this one a scooch.

Let's do a little discussion.

I am hyped for this game, Silent Hill Two.

Of course you are.

The blueber team is leaning fully into mass market horror instead. Oh, that bodes well for this fucking game. Jesus Christ.

For Silent Hill Two remake.

Okay.

Maybe they're saying that Silent Hill Two remake was their last one.

Yeah.

So their next okay, so Polish horror game developer Bloober Team Ass Team told Ngadget, which is a website I thought was out of business, as did I. It's leaving the psychological horror subset, a genre that defined all of its biggest titles, like Layers of Fear and the cyberpunk title observer. Far behind is observer a fucking psychological horror game? I didn't think so.

I don't think so.

The studio is currently responsible for the impossible Diehard Fansay task to remake Silent Hill Two, and it says it's time to lean fully into mass market horror. Okay, you guys suck anyway, so do whatever the fuck hurt you. Yes. Pokemon Go dad lays off 230 employees, cancels upcoming Marvel game. Who cares?

Wait, niantic, they're laying off people and canceling? No. Say it ain't fucking so. Those pieces of fucking I saw a.

Tweet the other day that said that the new Pokemon Go update was so good, people thought it was a mistake. That's probably about right. Which is a rough thing to say.

I never got into Pokemon Go. But I did. This might be one of my nerdiest thing. Got real fucking into the Harry Potter Pokemon Go clone. I was walking around, I was doing spells, I was getting Potions, I was doing whatever. And then literally, they're like, yeah, we're shutting this down in, like, two weeks.

And I was like.

It was brutal.

Did you and I talk about Hogwarts legacy?

Maybe? I've never I did not play it.

I'm not the game is fucking doodoo.

Oh, good.

Well, not good, but whatever.

It's doodoo. It's bad.

It's real, real bad. It is.

I traded it into GameStop.

What did you get in return?

I traded it towards my Diablo.

Okay. For Preorder. That's a good one.

Another game I'm hyped about. Hyped. RPG. Balders gate. Three. Took six years to make because it's scary big. I did see something on, like, IGN Today or something.

That Balders.

Gate three has 174 hours of cutscenes.

That's fucking ridiculous. I love it. I love it.

At what point and I guess we're probably getting close. Is it like a game developer's thing.

Is going to be this is the.

Last time, last game, if you want you'll ever have to buy because it's going to be so big. It's going to be AI generated. They will constantly be adding new worlds, new types of enemies, blah, blah.

Wasn't that the point of no man's sky? The universes were procedurally generated. Isn't that the point of Starfield, too?

Starfield is big, but not infinite.

But yeah.

No, man. Sky. I remember people being like, no, man, sky was great. And then I remember watching something and it's online multiplayer, but you'll never run into another player. It's so big.

And I was like, Why did you say that?

That's not something you should be advertising. You should not advertise that.

I will say no. Man sky.

I have a lot of respect for.

No Man's Sky because I bought it at Launch.

I preordered it.

I was super hyped foolish on that game, and it fucking sucked upon launch. But apparently they have been consistently patching it since. It's gotten really good, and it's really good now. I haven't played it in a long time, but I did get it on switch, so maybe I'll play it on switch.

I got so much to beat, but.

Balders Gate Three, I am fucking stoked about you're.

Hyped.

Yeah. I was a big Baldersgate fan. I played a lot of Balders Gate Two on my PC in, like, middle school. Same time. I was playing like Diablo two.

Wow.

It's like less spooky diablo two.

Yeah, it's more straight RPG, right?

Yeah. Well, it's a Dungeons and Dragons property.

I guess I did know that.

Yeah. And I was a huge fan of Balder's Gate, dark alliance and Dark Alliance Two on PS Two.

Sure.

Those are all timer PS Two games.

Okay.

That might be a future game. And then the Dark Alliance dungeon and Dragons game that came out on PS Five was trash.

Sure, straight garbage.

But Balder's. Gate three looks pretty sick. The trailer looks pretty sick. I'm stoked about all the cutscenes. It looks incredible.

When's that coming? And I'm here for it.

Let me see.

Because the next headline is boulders Gate.

Three is coming to PC early to avoid games like Starfield and Cyberpunk's DLC.

Oh, boy. So it's coming out before November.

September 6, yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

The PC version is launching on August 3.

Damn.

Listen to those guys.

Yeah, like a full month.

And they know PC is like, you can do date day of pat, like, patching on, like, Steam and shit is so much easier, from what I understand, than the consoles because of the verification.

Processes and all that. Yeah.

All right. Next headline is Steam might be banning games with AI. Art good.

I think they've already been doing that. Right? Good on the deal. Yeah.

Ten things you should never say to a PC gamer. Let's do that. Let's look at that.

What is that?

What should you never say? I bought my PC pre built.

Funny.

I have a Mac, so you all can eat my ass.

It's probably going to be number eight.

I have a mac.

There are no differences between a console game and a PC game.

Wow. Okay.

Who fucking cares? I can't even see the difference 60 FPS or 4K resolution make.

Okay.

Most of these fucking nerds with PCs don't have 4K screens anyway.

No, exactly.

Yeah.

They're all 1080p losers anyway. I'll just wait for the switch version. I think it's a valid thing to say.

I mean, it depends on the game.

But yeah, I mean, like Diablo Four, I could actually understand someone saying, I'm going to wait for the fucking switch version.

Yeah, and what we're I can't wait for Pikmin One and Two. The remasters coming out on fucking switch. I use a controller instead of a keyboard and mouse.

Yeah, that's a thing.

Who cares? I don't play Call of Duty, so any keyboard is fine. To be honest.

That's pretty good. These are good.

How many launchers do you use?

Oh, see, they don't like launchers.

Nerd shit.

They don't like launchers.

Let's play a couch co op game together. That's true. PC gamers are a lonesome bunch.

Yeah, well, they also can't do that on their PC. That's one thing that it can't. I mean, I guess it can, but.

You can move your TV.

Yes. Can I play this game on a Mac?

There it is.

Is that number one?

No, number one is PC ports suck.

That's funny. That's funny.

That was, like, a low effort. List some BuzzFeed shit.

Yeah. Listicles. All right. Oh, my God.

Oh, this is great. I love this report.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Disney really did turn a Hillary robot into Donald Trump.

So that's confirmed now, because I've been hearing that for, like, five years.

We tried to scrub as much of the time period from our collective memories as possible. I know. But if you cast your mind back to the presidency of Donald Trump and 2017 specifically, you might remember one of the weirdest stories to emerge was one involving Disney an animatronic robot and Hillary Clinton. It was never confirmed, but as soon as Disney unveiled their bizarrely misshapen version of Trump for the hall of Presidents, people looked at it and thought, that sure looks like if they made a robot of Hillary Clinton, assuming she would win, then had to hurriedly change it to Trump after a surprise upset. Then a bunch of other horrors and pandemics and constitutional crises took place. And we all forgot about it. Until this week, when podcaster Alex Goldman, after speaking with a former Disney employee who was there at the time but asked to remain anonymous, published a report saying, that's pretty much what happened.

Yeah, that's great.

The source, a former Disney Imagineer, says that in an effort to keep the show open for as long as possible, it normally has to close for months while a new presidential robot is built and its lines recorded. Disney execs in 2016 hedged their bets and had a Hillary made ahead of time. I remember seeing the facial designs for the Hillary animatronic at least six months before the election, they recall, and an intern asked the 3D artist what would happen if Trump won? And he laughed and just said, Then we're screwed.

Awesome.

While this employee says they knew about the decision to build Hillary early, which is interesting enough in its own right, they can't confirm that the Trump animatronics were eventually we eventually saw was the exact same robot. My guess is that they probably tried to salvage the animatronic by keeping Hillary's skull and putting Trump's skin over top of it, which is a horrifying sentence.

Which is they should do in real life, they concluded.

Which, given the news about building Hillary in 2016 and his ultimately bizarro face, now seems 99.99% likely. But as we learned from the 2016 polls, 99.99% is not 100%.

That's fucking great.

Just keep that in mind. That's funny. This thing oh, it's horrific.

And it does look like Hillary.

Cliff.

God.

Dear fucking God.

Good God. Let's see the video game characters that made us gay. That's interesting.

Sure. Yeah.

The ladies of Fusion frenzy. I don't know if I ever played that.

I've never even heard of that Xbox.

Very ODS version of Mario party.

Okay.

Kaden Alenko. Mass Effect trilogy. Chris Redfield. Resident Evil.

Okay, sure.

Moragon Morgan. Dragon Age.

Okay, you say so diva Overwatch. Okay. Yeah.

Gruntilda. Banjo Kazooie.

That's awesome.

Jack Mass Effect trilogy. Sephiroth. Final fantasy. Seven.

And that was it. That's the whole list. That's terrible scraping, brutal list.

They're really scraping the bottom of this. As are we, by having this episode be us reading.

Well, Kotaku, we should just explain before we kind of wrap things up.

We didn't play anything new.

We didn't watch anything new.

It's been a busy, busy week.

Yeah.

But hey, if you like this Kotaku segment, we could do it some more. Maybe we'll just do the interesting ones next time.

Yeah, maybe we could do some pre.

Screening of these articles.

Yeah. Do some prep work.

I don't know, man.

That sounds like a lot of work.

Literally.

Let's do this. Let's do one more. They recently updated the 17 best games for the Sony PlayStation Five.

Let me think. What?

They probably added diablo Four is probably what they added.

Well, they added Final Fantasy 16. Oh, wow. Okay, I know it's the last one, but then they also added Street Fighter Six.

Wow.

God of war. Ragnarok. Of course.

Horizon.

Forbidden west. Of course.

Of course.

Eldon Ring. Of course.

Lost Judgment.

I haven't fucking played this game. I haven't played any of the Yukuza.

Games since PlayStation Two. Yeah.

Life is strange. Two colors. True colors, not two colors.

I tried with life is strange. It just wasn't for me. It's just too boring.

Yeah. Guardians of the Galaxy. I can't believe this is still on the list. This game is shit.

I like that game.

Returnal is fun.

Yeah. I've never played Eternal Resident Evil.

Village. Hell yeah.

Hell, yeah.

Ratchet and clank. Rift Apart.

Okay, if you say so.

Final Fantasy Seven remake. Intragain.

Okay, that makes sense. Hitman Three. Okay, I haven't played a hitman game.

Since PS Two as well, but apparently Hitman, the newer hitmans are very good.

Okay.

Yeah, I know. I've heard with the live service they're doing they do really good job at, like, releasing very tight missions that are.

The spirit of the Hitman.

Whatever. What was it? Silent Assassin.

That the fucking amazing one. Deadly Assassin. Yeah.

Destiny Two. Who the fuck is still playing Destiny?

Fuck is still playing destiny. For real?

I haven't played Destiny since I can.

The years I don't think I've played.

Destiny since I never played Destiny, too. Next up is marvel Spider Man Miles Morales.

Okay.

I love this game.

I love that game.

I am, like, two trophies away from platinuming this game.

Wow. Okay, so, yeah.

Glad that's on the list. It is short, though.

It's very short.

Oh, it's cheap, though. Yeah.

Assassin's Creed? Valhalla. Okay, sure. God, I haven't played an Assassin's Creed game.

I played Odyssey a bit, didn't play Valhalla.

The opening mission bored me so much, I literally turned it off. The Demon Souls remake? Hell, yeah.

Okay.

And that's it?

That's it.

Great.

Great.

That's a pretty good list.

Not a bad list.

Not a bad that's a pretty good list. Not too bad at all.

Fortnite Twitch Streamer Shaves Head for $2,500 only to have it taken back. That's funny.

Super funny.

And deserved.

Yeah, any Fortnite streamer who has any.

Bad thing happen to him is automatically.

It'S a good thing. Yeah, super good. Sick. All right, buddy.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed us today. Let us know if this is something you like, and we'll give our commentary on Kotaka. If there's another news website you want us to read.

Yeah, something in an IGN, perhaps.

It doesn't even have to be video game related if you want us to go to, I don't know, MSNBC.com.

Or Tractorworld.

The Tractor. Tractornews.com, yeah.

Or Christian mingle. Like, whatever you want us to do. We are your humble servants.

Indeed we are.

But you can only do that if you follow us on social media. So go ahead and pop on Instagram and follow us at Discreet Error Pod. You can also follow me at funeral casual games.

You can follow me at Ian Golding Games.

And make sure you hit that subscribe button so you can hear just amazing stuff like this every single week. Live it, do it every Friday and then every Tuesday. Every p. M. Twice a week. That's a deal. We don't even have a patreon. This is free. Content free. And soon it'll be three days a week when we're releasing our ducktails episodes.

Yeah, and then we're going to spin that off. Nor our launch.

Dark wing, duck tailspin.

Tailspin, yeah, it's going to be a lot.

Yeah, and then from Tailspin, because Bulloo is in tailspin, we can spin that off into reviewing every remake of The Jungle Book based on how racist they are.

Perfect.

Love it.

It's a whole cinematic universe we're going to be running.

Yeah. So come be part of the discreet, air cinematic universe and we will see you on two.

Will you?

See you then. Bye.