Weekly Update for Week of 8 18 23

Back to episode four of Twisted Talking.

The metal metal twisters. Titty twisters.

Titty metal titty metal twisters.

Metal titty twisters.

Remember from dusk. Kill dawn.

Oh, the titty twister.

The titty twister bar.

I like that movie.

That was such a huge bar too, dude.

It was like there's no bar that big.

I know. That's like the most unbelievable thing.

Yeah, not the vampires, not any of that. Just the size of the bar.

I also like the clear delineation of what was written by Quentin Tarantino and what was written by Rodriguez. Oh yeah, like the Tarantino portion of the script ends with the super long Salma Hayek feet shot.

Yep. And then he's like, I gotta be in this movie. I need some feet.

And then Robert Rodriguez is like, I'll take it from here, champ. Because think like the opening part of that movie is all talking and shit. They're trying to rob that family or.

Fucking it's a Tarantino crime story.

And then it's like a weird vampire thing.

It's fun though.

Oh, yeah.

Good.

Classic Robert Rodriguez. You know what's not fun? Twisted metal episode four.

Not fun?

The title of this episode is Whiz Dare.

Who's there?

Is it who's there?

Yeah, because think the opening he's doing knock knock jokes.

Oh yeah, look at you.

I got that one.

Deciphering the code. It was directed by Maggie Carey.

Damn you to hell, Maggie.

She is most famous. I guess if she's a little famous. She directed the 2013 film the to do list. Do you remember that movie?

No memory. I have no familiarity really with what.

You just so when I saw that, I was like, I know that movie. I saw that movie in theaters. It's not very good.

Wow.

But it's that movie where it's like Aubrey Plaza is about to graduate from high school and she's like a nerd or something. And she makes like a list of all the sex stuff she wants to do and then she tries to do all the sex stuff.

Wow, that sounds really good. That sounds really good. I want to see that movie. Yeah, it's time for me to see that movie.

Yeah, but yeah. This is once again an episode that feels like what's happening here? We're just killing time. What's going on?

This is the most filler. I wrote this down on the notes. But this is a filler episode in a filler season. In a filler fucking show. It's so slow and nothing fucking happened.

I will say this episode gave me hope.

You're going to have to come back to that.

It gave me hope because of this. There is no fucking way they actually released this stuff and got to episode four knowing what was down the line and didn't immediately shit. Can this fair? There has to be something at least pseudo redeeming in the later episodes because by this point they would have just shelved it taken the tax right off, said fuck it. I didn't even hear about this show till it was, like, ready to air, basically.

Yeah.

It's not like they spent millions and millions and millions on the marketing campaign for this. So if it's this late in the season, it's still this bad. There's got to be something decent.

What could that be?

But I will tell you this. This is the worst looking episode by far.

This looks like shit.

This looks like fucking doodoo.

Yeah.

This looks like straight ass, very embarrassing visual effects, including one of the worst things I've ever seen on a TV show. On a modern TV show. But we'll get to it.

Yeah, we will.

So the episode starts out with John Doe and quiet two protagonists, the charismatic milkman and the spicy woman passenger.

Sure.

And they're driving, and he's falling asleep, and she's like, Just let me drive.

No one drives, Evelyn, my friend.

No one. Which I am 9000% sure leads to some moment later on in the season where you drive, you drive.

I'm too.

Shit. And then it's like, this is what we've been waiting for.

I mean, that is when I'm going to high five myself sitting on my couch, because that'll be the moment I've been waiting for since episode one. Amazing. Yeah.

Beautiful. And then he tries to tell her a knock knock joke because the man's a performer.

Yes. He's a born showman.

And she has no idea what the fuck a knock knock joke is. So let's just say millions of people weren't the only casualties of this apocalypse. Apparently humor humor in general has been lost.

Yeah, clearly.

Which is a true tragedy, which makes this show make way more sense. Here's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

I think the show is better if you, in your mind, make yourself believe that this show was made in the universe it exists in.

Fair.

I think this show makes a lot more sense if you think about it.

That way, I guess. So you're saying the universe where humor has devolved to just random quips and just the most obvious, and no one knows what a knock jock knock knock joke is.

Yeah.

Okay.

And this show was clearly made for, like, $10, so also, this is a post apocalyptic budget, okay?

So everyone's paying the grip was paid with a goat. Yeah.

Now, he was paid with gas, gasoline or dog food. Like the beginning of the first episode.

That's right.

So I think the show is actually way better if you think of it in this context. This would be a hit. Twisted metal would be a hit in the world of twisted metal.

That's fair. That is a good point. This scene is so laboring. Like, you can just feel the fucking screenwriter just sitting in his fucking laptop just saying, I'm tanking this scene. I am tanking this. This scene is so bad. What am I doing? I thought I was better than this, and then somehow it sailed through every check and balance we have in the entertainment industry. The other writers are like, okay, yeah, and we'll come back to this. I think we can make this work. And then they ran out of time or COVID something happened where this scene was never touched again. And he just fucking shit the bed on this. It's so badly written, this scene.

There is a non 0% chance that the writer of this scene had like an existential crisis in the middle of it. Like, holy shit, what am I doing with my life?

Yeah. Had to be like, you could not.

I've been paying off these student loans for a decade and this is what I'm making. I was going to be an artist.

Yeah. This is like fucking LeBron James working his fucking dick off, dying inside, sweating, staying up lates. And then he gets the NBA and he's just out there and he just throws a pass and it fucking hits a baby in the head and it just kills it and kills the baby. And he's just like, what was all that for? Because this is the worst I could be at this. I could not be worse at this.

Yeah. Whoo. And now that we've roasted the ever loving shit out of that writer yeah. In the middle of this knock knock joke fiasco, she says, do you hear that? And he's like, yeah, it's me knocking.

Do you hear that? Do you hear that? Was written in the television show.

Yeah.

Because they couldn't trust the audience TV or to wait half a second. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Or they just couldn't help themselves. But to put the joke yeah, it's me knocking.

Oh, that yeah.

They could not help themselves.

They can never help themselves.

And he's like, oh, no, wait, I hear it too. And then he says two words that make me think this was written by someone in middle school. He says, stealth mode. And then he turns off the headlights of the car. Yes. And then boom. Ambushed. Surrounded on three sides by what you call it?

Big rigs.

Big rigs. Semi trucks.

And they got stealth mode too. He says, you know what's?

Another video game show that I would rather see?

Spy Hunter.

Big mother truckers.

Okay, well, sure, I was going to say Spy Hunter, because what is about to happen in this show, but big mother truckers too, also. Sure.

Yeah. So this is when we realized that the cops took all the guns off the car in the last episode. So all they have is a shotgun and four shells. And she wastes one, and he's mad about it. And then they get scooped up into the back of this big rig.

Yeah. They surround him on all sides and the one in front of them lowers its back.

Spy hunter style.

Spy hunter style. And then the one behind them floors it and makes them go into the thing yeah, sure. That's what we're going with.

That's how that happens. And that's where they meet Miranda Watts. It's referred to as Watts, who. Here's the first of a couple little nods to the video game. Miranda Watts, of course, is twister.

Sure.

From twisted metal head on. At one point, you see her car. She has like, a Formula One car, which is OD, and how do you drive that? How do you get gas for that?

Yeah, how do you maintain that? Why do you have that in this world of whatever?

Yeah, there's also a little Easter egg. They point out it's their blood missiles, which are like power missiles, right?

Blood missiles, yeah.

Then they realize that they're not there to kill them or hurt them. And the semis connect, which I don't understand this.

I love it.

I don't understand so much work for nothing.

I love it.

It does not help anything.

No, but there'll be like one truck and someone will be like, I need to go to the dining car, or whatever. And then another truck will pull up next to it and they have a little doohickey that connects the two trucks. And then you just walk over and then see me. We don't see it, but I'd imagine the thing retracts and the convoy, as it's called, that's this group, this faction, just keeps going. You're always moving. It's fucking awesome. I love this.

Also, I've been in the back in think these trucks hold things that are, I would say, a little bit bigger than a shipping container.

Oh, yeah.

But inside, this is like, oh, it's.

The size of the fucking mid bridge of the Star Trek Enterprise or some shit.

Yeah, it's huge. It's huge inside. And somehow they connect and they don't fuck that up. And nobody dies in between the trucks. No, and they don't stop for that's how they stay safe. Somehow. They're like sharks. They can't stop swimming.

And they say that the writer as he's hanging his head in shame in the story, meeting someone's like, I got one we do have to address. If they never stop moving, what about gas? Like, how did they fuel up?

Which will be and no joke, this was my first thought when she said they'd never stop moving. I'm like, Where do you get gas? But thankfully, in a show, that leaves you asking plenty of questions like, why would this exist? Why am I doing this to myself? They give us the answer of how they fuel these trucks.

They recycle everything.

They recycle everything, even their doodoo, even their poop, which somehow they have converted a diesel combustion engine to quite a few of them to run on trash and human shit.

And there's no that we see. They would have to be, okay, let's break it down. If we're going to do this, I'm going to estimate the amount of work to do that at least 75% of their fleet is storage for trash processing and then storage for fuel.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's the most inefficient thing you can think of.

Yeah.

I would say maybe even 95%. Just because it can't be. We're in a post apocalyptic world where there's no engineers or fucking computers anymore. So this is all jury rigged shit. So there's going to be tons and tons and tons and tons of trash. And the processing facility, whatever. It boggles the mind how much space you would need on moving vehicles. And the fact is, even those vehicles are burning this resource.

Yes. They provide you with a question that normally I would just let go. Yeah. It's like one of those things, like, what about fucking gas? Did no one think of that? But they did think of it and gave an answer so fucking bad and stupid that you wish they just didn't. They left it unanswered.

It would have been better, honestly. It would have better if she had just winked at the camera and said, Magic. Seriously, that's a better answer. Because I'd be like or if they.

Had just not asked.

Not asked.

Yeah. And let us because what a better idea is to let us figure out a way of like maybe they have, like, runner cars that go and get gas. And then mid drive, they fill up the gas tanks like pilots. Like maybe planes do. Maybe we can make that up in our heads is better than the fucking reality they force us to live in.

Yeah. Trash. It's trash. And are there enough people to create enough trash?

It seems like there's hundreds of people in these, like four trucks.

Yeah. By the way, they can make gasoline from trash and human waste or diesel fuel. Whatever. And yet little chalkboard in the back. Squirrel burger. Yeah, they're still eating squirrel. They can't figure out how to do anything but squirrel burger.

So they definitely are stopping. Someone's going out and stopping to hunt these fucking squirrels.

Unless they're raising them. There's a little squirrel car. This is why I kind of like sad. Yeah. Because why use squirrel, of all things? Is that the most again, efficiency. I question the efficiency.

Yeah. We run into another question like this later on in the show. This just fucking boggles the mind. This show's internal logic is so goddamn stupid. Like, insane. So then we meet a pretty major character in this episode and also a callback to the games. We meet granny Aka Granny Dread from Twisted Metal three yeah. She tries to fake him out by making them think she's all feeble, which she actually is. But then fucking eagle eyed John Doe spots that her oxygen tanks aren't hooked up to anything.

That's rookie, rookie mistake. Everyone would notice that.

So come on.

And again, just like quiet. And the mute thing. Why are people just fucking with each other so much in this universe? Everyone is just fucking with each other.

Again, this feels like it makes much more sense if you consider the fact that this show is made in its own universe.

I know when this is supposed to this apocalypse is supposed to have happened, but it feels like it happened right at the height of prank videos on YouTube. Those were the biggest thing in the world for like a day. And that's the day the fucking world ended. So that was what people remember as the world that was forgotten is just fucking with people for no reason.

Yeah, it's wild. She also for some reason, she has a book called the Granny Sutra that she has made. It's exactly what it sounds like. Fucking this is a joke that lands so goddamn flat because A, it raises the question, why is she motoring around the trucks with this book?

Yes.

Why would she make this book?

Correct?

Does she have some sort of reference of the Kamasutra? She wasn't always a Grammy, so she only made this in her old age.

Only since the end of the world. So she's been spent 20 years on this question mark.

Yeah. Odd. Super fucking odd.

Yeah.

But then we get the side quest of this side quest episode.

Literally side quest.

And they ask John Doe to go on a run, and in exchange, they will equip Evelyn with all the guns and shit that they need to do their run to.

I know.

Joke. Had a moment in this episode where I forgot where they were even going.

Yeah.

They're going to New Chicago.

That's right.

Pick up something so he can go back to New San Francisco. Literally completely lost on me. I was like, what? I totally forgot that that was the main storyline of this season. So of course they take the deal and the run is to go get medicine for granny from the pharmacist who used to be a member of the convoy and was thrown off of a truck. Allegedly. Now the fact that they can make this trip makes me think that the convoy is doing, like, a lap.

It's got to be doing a lap.

It's just doing a circle. They're not fucking going anywhere.

Yeah. Because they would be hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. Yeah.

So they're clearly doing a lap. So they take off and they meet up with the pharmacist, who immediately tells us her name is Amber, and in stunning, logic breaking fashion, she just lives at a house.

Yeah. No security.

Yeah, she's her security.

Yeah. No Volkswagen Bug out front.

You would think that if one person can have a house and that you could just make a colony.

Yeah, sure.

It wouldn't be that hard if one person is just fucking chilling and they go up and she offers them some nice iced tea.

Sure.

And of course, the fucking idiots they are, they're like, oh, sure. I'm thirsty. And John DOE's a little skeptical. He's a little more world weary. Than quiet, I guess. Yet she seems she's more it's weird because they show her as, like being the tough one.

She's the cynic.

She's the cynic. But she's also the fucking stupid one.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, they're both stupid, but she's the dumber one somehow. Yeah. So they drink the iced tea and turns out, surprise, surprise, the pharmacist laced it with something and they throw up. Blah. Of course they do an exorcist style puke thing, of course. And then she's like, oh, you're not going to be able to move. And this plant apparently paralyzes you.

And her thing is she's going to always know and reference the name of the scientific name of plants, genus. Yeah, all that bullshit.

By the way, this is the Herpadirpolis Maximus fucking bullshit.

I'm going to jump in here and say I have never I was racking my brain while watching this, disliked, overall a character as much as I disliked the pharmacist. I don't know if it's the actor or the writing. I was just like, I hate everything about this character.

Everything. Why did they put yellow makeup on her? Like the corner of her eyes?

Yes, that's a good question.

Really fucking weird. Also, she has an affect that's like childlike. And it's super odd.

It's super odd.

It's a weird choice, I guess. It's a choice. It's a fucking weird one. So then we realize that she thinks that Quiet and John Doe are holy men, which has been like a reoccurring thing that gets brought up, these holy men. And on the way to the pharmacist, they see crucified upside down milkman. The previous milkman. Yes, from the convoy. And they hear bells. And that's like the Canadian that's the calling card of these holy men who we haven't met yet. And I don't think we meet for like five more episodes, which is great. So they're incapacitated and to get answers this is just absolutely fucking insane. To get answers out of John Doe. She's like this little plant and then says it's stupid Latin name for this fake plant. Some people say it feels like an acid shower. Wonder what it feels like for you. And presses this leaf against his skin. And he's like which is like, I do not think there's a plant in the world where just like touching it immediately would like I mean, you'd get.

Blisters, but what happens to his arm is stupid.

I was going to say plant does that.

There's plants you could rub against. You get a blister. I don't know. Like an ivy. Like a poison.

Poison ivy doesn't do that. Poison ivy doesn't sumac acid bath.

What about a sumac? What about a sumac? Or what is the third one?

I don't know.

Poison oak?

Poison oak? Yeah. No, I don't think so. I don't think they work that way. And this also looks like mint. It looks like they does look mint.

All the plants look like fucking mint.

Yeah. And then Quiet has the bright idea of telling them why they're actually telling her why they're actually there, which is weird that nobody said anything before this. It's that Granny is sick and Granny needs medicine. And the pharmacist finds the note in John DOE's pocket and then gives him the antidote plant. Because that's how nature works. If there's a poison, immediately there is also an antidote plant.

And she knocked them out with the tea, tied them up. First of all, we come back from commercial and he's like to Quiet. He's like, can you reach my gun? And his gun is just right next to him. So Granny didn't strip them, didn't de weapon them, didn't search them. She just tied them up.

Pharmacist. Pharmacist, pharmacist.

Sorry. The pharmacist just tied them up and was like, yeah, that's good enough. Like, what the fuck?

And they did it. They put the gun there, literally, for the joke, where he can be like, Get my gun. And then she pukes on the gun. Oh, yeah, they did it for that joke. That's the thing. They will sacrifice anything in this show for a cheap bit. It does not matter. For something that they think is visually funny, they will sacrifice every bit of storytelling, integrity, everything, internal logic, just for a they will take it out back and shoot it like Old Yeller for a child's joke.

I want to jump back onto one thing that we missed because it's something I really want to bring up. So while they're first getting to know everyone in the convoy truck, quiet meets, like, amputee prosthetic person. She's missing her middle finger from episode one. And the prosthetic, she's like, you can have this for free because I love you, or whatever. And she gets, like, a metal, robotic I guess. I don't know.

I think it's just a metal middle finger.

Yeah, but again, I wrote this down. My theory is at some point, someone's like, guys, we can't keep doing that special effect. It's not super expensive to put a green sleeve on her finger and VFX it out every scene she's in. But we're just going to have to save money where we can, guys, because this is ridiculously expensive. Yeah.

This show very obviously ran out of VFX money on this episode.

Yes.

Which it makes me think that they blew it all recreating the Hoover Dam, which is very funny.

Very funny. Yes.

So she has a metal middle finger, which they tell her not to get wet, and she immediately pukes on it, of course. But that's not even the point of the joke because this don't get it wet thing never comes back.

But it will come on in, like, five episodes, maybe. I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Next season, buddy.

Oh, my God. So, yeah, then the pharmacist gives them their little bundle, john Doe asks why she got thrown out, and we get the first hint that the pharmacist and Watts were lovers.

She said she got thrown out because there wasn't enough room for all of her.

Said the Watts wasn't making alluding to Watts. Watts wasn't making enough room in her life for her.

So I went to a place where I.

So now they're like, this is where the writer was, like, feeling himself. He's like, yeah, it's a metaphor.

I think I might be back on track here.

Yeah.

I shit the bed early, but I might be rallying for the second half of this. Yeah.

This is the point in the episode where he's like, fuck, this is why we do it.

And this is where you would think, now that they've gotten the medicine, they're going back. It would be time for an awesome action scene.

You'd be dead fucking wrong.

Dead fucking wrong.

Because they leave and all of a sudden it's nighttime and they're being chased by the holy men. We don't really see them other than headlights off in the distance, but to escape them, they drive into an abandoned mall.

Yes. And we get movie theaters appropriate for the time of the apocalypse. Like night's tale punch drunk love Punch drunk love.

Yeah. And then when they get in there, she thinks she sees someone and throws her axe, and it goes into the head of a cardboard cutout of Dana Carvey from Master of Disguise doing the turtle dirtle.

He's. The turtle stand up is in that theater.

So this was written in 2003 by someone who was twelve years old in 2003?

100%. 100%.

Yes. So they clean up a little bit. There's a joke about how much they smell, and then they go into the theater to sit down in the seats, and there's wires everywhere, which I'm assuming that means that they've hooked up power. It's really not explained. But what is even wilder about this thing is that this is 2003, and the movie that is in the projector is a movie from 1994. I'm talking about the Damon Wayne's vehicle blank, man.

What the fuck? What the fuck?

There's no effort, right? It's not Keith Ivory.

No, it is Damon. Yes, it is. Absolutely. Damon.

Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.

It makes no fucking sense.

It makes no sense. We do get a good joke, a joke that kind of, like, made me it didn't make me giggle, but I.

Was like, yeah, okay, which one was that?

So the movie starts and there's no audio, so that's right. Of course. John Doe is like, I know this movie. And he starts doing the voice of Blank Man. And then she does the voice, and it's cute. And they're like, they're getting close, they're getting along. They're becoming friends.

Yeah.

So he decides to ask her about her past, and she tells a story about, like, oh, we weren't really allowed to go to the movies.

But she.

Says that one time her and her brother did sneak into a movie about two cowboys fighting a giant robotic spider. Which that was the one little thing I was like, oh, that's cool. Like wild, wild west reference.

Yeah, that's not bad.

Yeah, that's fun. And then she's like, he was so annoying, and his laugh was like a chainsaw. And he'd never let me wear his jacket. Now it's all I have of him. And then they have an awe moment together where they're, like, bonding because they didn't say she had a whole conversation with them without saying fuck or motherfucker. Which she says, oh, fuck you, motherfucker. Of course. And then it's fade to black, and it's the next day.

Before we get into that, I do want to just say here now, you may be asking yourself, listeners, why aren't they talking about the B story? We usually talk about the cutting back and forth. No B story.

There is Zero B story.

Just this dull ass fucking shit for 30 minutes.

In fact, there is a single reference to the Law Man story, and it's at the very end and we'll get to it.

Yeah.

So they fade to black, wake up the next day. She's like, oh, where'd John do go? Thinking, of course, this is a trope, right? Waking up and thinking they left them because they are so used to being a fucking this is so on the nose and such a trope that it's, like, almost upsetting again. This is the writer being like, Fuck, yeah.

Fuck yeah. I did it.

This is it.

I've done it.

This is my fucking time.

I'm back, baby.

Yeah. And of course, he did not leave her. In fact, he's rinsing himself off in the sink and in a gesture of compassion, washed her brother's jacket because it was in his fucking brains.

Yeah.

But of course, he's a goof him up who doesn't know anything. So she is furious that he washed her brother's brains off this jacket. And they are no longer talking. No, they are not doing it.

When they first go in the theater, he says it smells like popcorn and ass. And then she sniffs herself and she says, oh, am I the ass?

Yeah.

So that brain matter in blood probably really smells bad. And she has this romantic connection to it.

Yeah.

Fucking what?

And it kind of makes me uncomfortable with their extremely forced romance. Because what I'm getting from this is that she's a child, that she has the mindset of a child. Other than the swearing, she's just literally there's some arrested development going on here.

Absolutely.

I'm assuming some trauma. Obviously, everyone's traumatized in this. Makes me it feels icky at that point.

It is icky.

So they finally get back to the convoy, and John DOE's like, Here you go. This is medicine so Granny can live a long and horny life or whatever. And then we realize the truth from Watts.

Yeah.

This isn't to make Granny better. This is to let her. Go out on her own terms.

Sure.

Some suicide tea. Yeah. So they brew the suicide tea. Granny's in her BMW. There is a very funny bit about her being the number one realtor in Boca Raton. Yeah. Which is kind of a good bit. It's kind of a clever little bit because that car is absolutely real estate agent in Boca Raton. This white convertible, like BMW three series.

Three series, yeah. Is that her car in the game?

No, she has like a bronco.

Oh, interesting.

Okay, so once she drinks this, it before she passes. She tells quiet, like life's about spending time with the people you love, some shit like that, some deathbed thing.

She gives her the granny sutra.

Gives her the granny sutra. Which there's, of course another joke where she's like, jesus Christ. Yeah. Look at this page called The Drive Through because horny old people are very funny.

Always funny.

Always funny. And then yeah, then she dies and they start to have a big old party and she's dead in her car. Detail I might have missed. She's in the car with her dead stuffed pug.

Yeah. At first, until she pats it on the head. It was just in the background. I was like, is that dog supposed to be dead? Because that dog isn't moving. So I thought that was a bad special effect.

I thought that it might have been like, are they indicating that it's a real dog and that they're going to kill this dog with her? Like Queen Elizabeth style. Which, by the way, Queen Elizabeth's corgis were definitely buried with her a lot.

Of course they were. Of course.

So she's dead and they're like, okay, everything's cool. And then they're open the back of the truck and we get the worst special effects sequence I've ever seen in this show. Atrocious they push this BMW out of the back of the truck and they live on this long shot of it falling out of the back for so long, like 10 seconds to where you can clearly see this fucking terrible mannequin in the driver's seat. You see the car hit the road and bounce. You can see this mannequin react in a non human way.

Yes.

And then they're like, oh, that was nice. I guess that's it. And then she pushes a button and the car explodes.

Yeah. Watts blows it up.

Yeah. And it's a bad explosion.

Oh, yeah, it's real bad.

And it's so clear. They just, like, taped a green screen up over the back of the truck. It looks so bad. There's no effort in that at all.

No.

And then the party starts and that's when we get back to back needle drops. I will say for as absolutely back to back.

Yeah.

These are the best needle drops of the season.

I could not agree more. I could not agree more.

The first better off alone by Alice DJ. Great song, which is so good it is.

Great song.

So good. Do you think you're better it?

But then you're going to do yourself a favor after you've heard it. You're going to dive into all the fucking remixes. There's like a million remixes of this song. Everyone's doing something different. It's fucking genius.

And they're all pretty good.

And they're all really good. Some, you could argue, are better than the original.

It's just an absolute fucking banger.

Yeah.

To the point which is kind of a brilliant it does this magic trick where for a brief second and I think this is why they have the two needle drops back to back. It makes you forget how upset you are at wasting the previous 23 minutes.

Absolutely. You got your little fucking reward. You got your little chocolate chip.

You get a little fucking dopamine drop from this last party scene, not because of anything going on in the show, but because these two songs whip so hard. The second song, which comes on after. So while the first song's still going, twister gets into her car. We see the Formula One, the twister car. She gets on the radio and calls Amber the Pharmacist, which is when we find out that she is actually Flower Power from Twisted Metal Three. The same game. Boom as Granny dread. And they kind of rekindle a little bit over the radio. And then we get the second needle drop of this episode, which is one of the greatest songs of the early two thousand s. One hundred percent. All the things she said by tattoo. Running through my head running through my through my head my head running through my head incredible song.

Yes, absolutely.

A huge banger. Russian lesbians. The music video was a forming experience for a lot of young men in like 2003 or 2002, whenever it came out.

Absolutely.

And the song is fucking the song goes great song. So hard. They really should have just credits rolled.

Yeah, absolutely.

They can't help themselves, but they cannot help themselves. And then we get the ending of this episode, which is quiet, and John Doe are driving off. She forgives him during the party.

Yes.

And they're driving off on their way to New Chicago, which again, it's incredible how quickly you can forget the main plot of this show. And then she drops something and we see. John Doe doesn't see, though, that she has grabbed some of the knockout flowers. Flower power's house.

Right?

Oh, speaking of Flower Power, that's our one reference to the law, is when Flower Power hears her radio going off. She has the body of a lawman in a wheelbarrow, assuming she's going to bury him.

Yeah. She just killed him.

It's the one reference.

Yeah.

So they're driving off, and we do come full circle.

Right.

The cold open and the ending got to be the same bookend, baby. That's writing, baby. So he tells an Ock knock joke, and it seems like she's not going to answer it. And then she says, who's there? And he smirks like a pervert, mind you.

Like a complete pervert.

And then cut to black.

Boom. Cut to credits. Beautiful.

And that's the episode I'm going to say.

I got to give credit to the writer because the balls on him to go back to the bookend that he was tanking when he was writing this show, to go back to that, he had to have some trauma from that.

Because this was him trying to redeem himself.

Yeah.

But it doesn't fucking he's like, I fucking botched this opening so bad, so hard. This is take two.

Yeah. And this episode is one of my biggest pet peeves in all of Episodic television. Whatever is all, it's done. Nothing has moved forward except it fixed some obstacles that were put in our character's way from previous episodes.

This is deus ex machina episode.

Yeah. Which is nothing really happened except Evelyn got rearmed and she got her finger back. So it's just like that's. The only thing that happened is those two things. It's such fucking horseshit. It's like those were interesting obstacles. We're going to resolve them in one single episode.

This episode doesn't even have the courage to be a true Bottle episode.

No. Well, so there's really three locations. There's some exteriors, but there's the house, which is clearly soundstage the convoy and the mall. The convoy and then the movie theater. The mall. Yeah. So it's pretty Bottlerific, but the story.

Is not they cannot help themselves, but in the beginning and the end try to give us little breadcrumbs for the story going forward. And it's not in a clever way.

Not at all.

Right. It's not in a clever way. I don't care about the holy men at this point. By the time we get to the holy man, I'm just going to be so over it.

It's not going to fucking mean I hope they're not just going to be something mentioned for four or five fucking episodes without ever seeing them. I know that Jason Manzukas plays a fucking preacher, Brimstone or whatever. Yeah. Which is probably involved with them. So if he's not going to show up till episode seven, I think you said that's at least three fucking episodes of either just teasing them, which oh, God. Or I don't even know.

Yeah. And we heard about him last episode, too.

We did. Yeah.

But this time it's real. We heard the bells. So if this is like a slow and steady march to them okay. Kind of like how Walking Dead did it with Negan. We started hearing about him. Here's the thing, though. Whereas I think The Walking Dead is fine. It's a fine show.

Sure.

I think that first season is pretty incredible. But that show is clearly better written, better casted better. Everything is better about it. If that's their ploy here, is to kind of lead us to it. They're doing a very bad fucking job because they don't make us want to know anything about these holy men. I don't care. I literally don't give a shit.

How could you?

Because I'm assuming they're going to be something fucking stupid. Just like the Lawmen are just like.

The Lawmen and the convoy. Yeah.

Just incredibly fucking dense and stupid. And that's a good way to think about this show.

Yeah, it's really dense and fucking stupid.

But again, I think I enjoy this show a little bit more, thinking, okay, the people in the twisted metal universe made this show.

I like it.

Then it's very meta. It's very meta, right? I think it's the key to watching this show and not just groaning for 30 minutes.

This show is a struggle to watch. It's only 30 minutes long and it feels like 5 hours. It's so fucking boring. That's the thing. If you had told me, the one thing I would have never predicted when we first saw the first trailer was that this show would be boring as dull and fucking.

I mean, obviously we assumed it was going to be bad.

Of course we did. We saw that first trailer. But it looked like at least it wouldn't be this, which is just so plodding along. And again, I jumped ahead knowing what the big twist is at the end of the season. But what's the reasoning? What was your reasoning for putting off the thing people want to see for a full season and doing nothing with that time? Nothing at all.

It's exactly what Mortal Kombat did. Mortal Kombat was kind of entertaining at points.

They at least had fight is just I don't understand why they're wasting a season. And there's no reason for it. There's no payoff.

This is a show based on a video game where the entire video game is vehicular combat. And there is virtually no vehicular combat in this fucking show.

The first episode, that's the only time I can think of any video.

And it's not even that good. No, it's one little moment and then who gives a shit? But that was twisted talk. Metal Town doing the metal twisted Talk, episode four. We will be back next week doing the Lord's work with episode five. If you want more content like this every single week, yes, please smash that subscribe button. Follow us on instagram at discrete error. Pod. You can also follow me at funeral casual games.

You can follow me at Ian Golding.

Games and we will see you on the next one.

Who's there? Because like knock knock.

Yeah, get it.